What Makes A Great Dad?

ME AND DAD

Children Watch What Adults Do

Teach By Example, Not Words.

"Do as I say, and not as I do." Have your parents ever told you this when you were a kid? That is how many fathers teach their children, without considering the fact that children are influenced by what they see. They are not supposed to be treated like slaves, although they are chastised when needed, which is right, but the point is that kids are just as much emotional, intellectual, and spiritual as they are physical beings. It takes more than just addressing their behavioral problems through chastening, but it also takes spiritual nourishment. If you want your child to be kind, show kindness, if love, show love, if compassion, then show compassion. How can you expect your child to say no to drugs and alcohol if you drink, or do drugs? The saying stands, "practice what you preach." A child won't understand everything that you teach them, but that's fine as long as you have the understanding and knowledge about how the spirit works, if you're a saved believer. The idea is to be a good role-model by spending quality time with your kids, entertaining them, and by making them feel comfortable when they have questions about things they are curious about. Let them know that they are special to you, and that you care about them so much that you want them to feel comfortable when they have questions about anything. That is how a father and a mother nourishes them with principles based on honesty, love, trust and responsibility. A father who does this for his children is the best dad in the world.

Growing Up

You don't want to spare the rod and spoil the child. God chastises whom he receives as sons (children). Chastisement teaches them responsibility and awareness. I'm going to tell you about the biggest victory I had in my life when I was a very young kid. My grandmother would babysit me whenever my mom had to go to work. Grandma stayed in the house all the time, and would seldom go out and sit on the front porch. I was used to waking up early in the morning while my aunt and cousinswere asleep in bed. Well, I had a friend named Brandon, who would often stop by my grandma's house to see if I'd would go out and play, or just hang out with him, or even visit other friends. Keep in mind that I was brought up in the church, and grandma was a Christian. I was taught to fear God. Anyway, grandma gave me a rule to follow whenever I decide to mingle with friends, which was to not go anywhere near a certain neighborhood, too far away from the house. One day, Brandon asked me if I wanted to go down in the Wentworth area, a neighborhood street in Chicago, which was too far away from the house. I told him about my grandmother's rule that she game me. Although I knew she was sleep in the house, and having no idea of my whereabouts, I kept that rule. He the tried to persuade me to go by telling me that she won't know and she can't see me. I believed him, but there was a surprise I was about to give him that he was totally unexpected. I responded to him with all sincerity of heart that God knows, and that He is watching me. Brandon made the big mistake of telling me that God wasn't going to do anything to me. That only made my belief stronger. I was even more consistent with my refusal to go, despite grandma's rule.

Our First House
My mother and I were delighted to be moving into our first house. I can't forget, it was on a cold day, and my uncles helped us move into our house. We had to keep the stove burners lit so that we could stay warm. it made me happy to see Mom happy. Within a few short months my godmother moved in with us as a caregiver whenever mom went to work. Talk about chastisement, hers did hurt, and I can still remember it to this day. I was a child of a single parent, my dad did not stay with us. After a few years went by, we moved into our 2nd home, which was an apartment building. That's when mom married Virgil, Senior (R.I.P), my younger brother's biological dad, and his name is also Virgil (Junior). My mom wasn't a saint, but she believed in Jesus, and I wasn't one either. Our dad Virgil was nowhere close to the saved lifestyle, in fact, he was an alcoholic. That marriage didn't last long. It wasn't too long before we moved to Austin, Texas. During this time my brother was between 3 and 4 years old. After going through some hard times, it took me a while for me to make my mind up about whether or not I wanted to start attending church again. By this time I was old enough to go on my own, without an adult. I had a thirst for God and the bible. Mom was not a regular church-goer. My faith in God was stronger than hers-I believe.

My Last Name

I was 2 years into high school before mother remarried. His name was Larry Miller (R.I.P.). He was the only man who stayed with mom and took good care of us before he left this world. They've had their verbal fights, but managed to work things out over time, in view of the fact that he was an alcoholic. I never did get used to calling him my dad, but I would always identify myself with my real biological dad. I grew up wishing that my real dad had stayed with my mom, and that I was a kid who was fortunate enough to have both my primary parents in the home raising me. However, I was not one of those fortunate kids, and neither was my little brother. I remember mom telling me that my last name was the same as that of Howard's (R.I.P.), the very first man she met when she was going to school, whom she was going to marry after he finished his duty in the military. Unfortunately, he was murdered before he got out, by another woman who shot him. She named me after him anyway, even after she was aware that he was murdered. I now wonder how she came up with my first name.

I just knew I was gonna fly!

Like Robert Kelly used to say, "I believe I can fly." Well, that's what I believed (not literally) when I was taking piano lessons. It was my ambition to play the piano better than Ludwig van Beethoven, and Amadeus Wolfgang Mozart. It never happened. I wasn't going to enough recitals, taking enough lessons, nor was I spending enough time practicing. My level of talent was just at a level of entertainment rather than a serious virtuoso. Dad wasn’t home when I sat down at the piano to start playing some of the songs I learned from a music book. His usual time coming home from work was around 5 pm.
Never give up
Over the years Dad continued to keep himself informed of what was going on with us in school. He was one of those militant dads. He didn't go to church, except occasionally, maybe, but he made sure mom was happy, bill were paid, and we were behaving. Another good thing about him is that he did believe in God, but I'm not sure about his past experiences with church, but when he talked with me, he talked like a believer. Like I mentioned before, it took years of us all living together in one home before things ironed out smoothly, and dad became less militant and more of a family-type dad. I think he may have finally been feeling the regret of what he did to hurt mom in the previous years. They say "what goes around comes around." I must also add that he did what he could as a responsible dad, except for the alcohol problem. That was the killer.

 

Punishments

Life for us wasn't all flowers, and we had our ups and downs. I hardly got into any trouble, and if I did, it was usually the other person causing the problem. I kept to myself most of the time, and that's how I lived. I was not the party person. My main spots were the restaurant, library, church, gymnasium or weight room, and the chess club. My biggest problem growing up was knowing how to approach women - with confidence. I was easily intimidated by young women who thought the world owed them something. I did believe in marriage before sex, like the bible teaches, but I was overcome with the desire for sex. That was my main struggle. It was warfare to me. I desired to marry, but could never find a wife. I know this sounds awful coming from someone who is a believer.

 

Pride in your work

I remember one day when we were moved into a house at Younger Court, Austin, Texas. I was going to church regularly, meeting new people, going to fellowship, and working for temporary agencies to make a living for myself. Mom helped me get into college much later, and that is when I started working on my songwriting career. I had a passion for music.
By summers end I was assigned to the Huston-Tillotson College campus residency hall, on the 2nd floor, and by the passing of months I was assigned to another room in the dormitory. College was probably one of the biggest tests of faith that any Christian could have, because temptation is there, all kinds.I remember getting a job assignment to go work in an office at the University of Texas at Austin, which happened to be the same place dad worked at. To my surprise, he walked into the office where I was sitting, behind the desk, and told me how proud of me he was to see me with such a good job. It really motivates a person when their dad compliments them. That's also part of being a supportive dad.

 When you love someone, someone will love you in return.

Care for someone, care is received.
Kind to someone, it, also, is appreciated in return.
Selflessness I have chosen.

Never let them down!