Wednesday, October 27, 2010

DREAMS DETERMINATIONS TEARS (2)-psychological issues

Psychological Issues

Uncle vs. Granddad
I remember when I was around 7 years old, when I used to watch my uncle get beat by my grandad. This is the story. My uncle, Junior (we called him Boony) used to hop into his dad's car and take off without getting permission first, and anyway, he would not have gotten it because he was too young to drive at the time. I guess you could say he stole it - sort of. When uncle Junior later arrived with the car, it was smashed and all torn up from an accident. Grandad got a whip, took uncle Junior in the bathroom so that he couldn't escape (and the bathroom was small anyway), and beat the living crap out of him. It was sad, but I caught a glimpse of it. And I'm afraid to say that this wasn't the first time he had done it. ¤shame I still have childhood fears that haven't left me to this day. I am afraid to vomit. I still remember when I barfed all over grandma's kitchen floor. Some people deal with it a lot better, especially if they drink all the time, they don't have a choice unless they quit. I am not a drinker, and I am still afraid to throw up. Yes, everybody gets sick sooner or later, but I hated it when I got sick. Maybe this was a lesson for me, and that is, whatever you put into your system, your body and feelings will react accordingly. That lesson can also be applied when seeking knowledge and learning to make good decisions. Learn the right stuff and do the right things in life, and things won't turn back on you, or you will do what i did, lean over and throw up. Besides sickness, the other problems I had to deal with as a child was getting in trouble at school and getting messed with by bullies. I was a wuss, because I resorted to crying and tears as a strategy for avoiding fights. I thought that if I cried, that they wouldn't bother me any more. Believe it or not, one of those bullies turned out to be my best friend, and if anybody else tried to stack some hay with me, Brandon would kick their butt. On the subject of bullies, I didn't have much of a problem with them when my uncle Junior got involved, including my dad. Do you remember when I told you that I started experimenting at a young age, well it just so happened that I had a bad experience with one of the neighborhood girls, an altercation with a girl named Danielle who thought she was "sassy ass." She was with her friends walking one day. She came up to me talking trash for no good reason, maybe because she had brothers older than me. She ended up slapping me for no apparent reason, and I of course slapped her back. She went and told her brother. He walked up to me, grabbed me by my shirt, and dragged me to his house where his little sister was.

Uncle Intervenes
Luckily, my uncle saw her brother twisting my shirt really tight, and then my uncle walked up to where we were and said to Danielle's brother with anger (and a mean facial expression), "take your hands off him!" And "Don't you ever touch him again!" Her brother was afraid of my uncle, so he turned me loose. After my uncle Boony put him in check he pleaded, "but your nephew slapped my little sister." My uncle's response was, "that's why he has a mother and a grandmother, tell either of them the next time, or just simply come and tell me, but don't ever touch my nephew again!" I never had any problems with the sassy ass little girl, nor any of her foolish brothers. Those were the good days. My uncle also started toughening me up by punching me until I started crying so that I would become a tough kid, but I could only be so tough compared to certain people. There were some kids I wouldn't stand up to.

Quarter For The Arcade
A quarter to me was like jewelry of a great price back in the day. If I found a quarter, I was on my way to the corner Arcade. Ms. Pac Man was my favorite. I loved the arcade so much that I started asking people for a quarter. One young lady expressed to me, "I am not a bank." That was a good one reply, and when somebody else asked me for a quarter, I also replied, "I am not a bank." You can ask a lot of people for a quarter, but some people will test you. I remember asking a man for a quarter so that I could go to the arcade and play Ms. Pac Man, but he responded, "I don't have money to waste on games, but if you're hungry I will buy you something to eat." I didn't want anything to eat, I wanted to play Ms. Pac Man. I learned not to beg after one stranger almost handed my butt to me. I was standing outside in front of the arcade, looking for somebody to walk by so that I could beg for a quarter. Then, I saw a man waiting for the bus to arrive at the bus stop. I walked up to him and asked him for a quarter. He knew that I just wanted one so that I could play a video game. He put me to the test. He raised his voice at me and asked, "for what!" I then answered, "I don't have a quarter to ride the bus." Unfortunately, that's when the bus was pulling up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter and said, "here, now jump your ass on that bus!" I hopped on the bus and got off a couple of blocks down the street while he stood there and watched, but didn't get on.

Markham, Illinois
One day, mom sent me off to stay with my uncle William who lived in Markham, and his kids (my cousins through marriage). Growing up wasn't easy. The family was very religious. We washed before breakfast, asked blessings before every meal, went to bed at a certain time, and went to Sunday school and church every Sunday. We could not use any foul language whatsoever. I was chastised by my uncle and aunt Patsy both, and hers was worse than his. She made the belt sting, he just made it hurt. My cousins and I used to walk to school together everyday. I remember one incident that happened to me while I was playing outside of school during recess. While playing with the other kids, I accidentally bumped into a white lady, and she then turned at me and yelled so loud that I felt the anger in her voice. It was not a normal scream. I felt the hatred in her voice, like someone who was prejudice. I am still convinced to this day that she was racially prejudice. The situation with me was, I loved white women, because their eyes were so beautiful when they smiled. Their dimples showed too, and that is why I was so hurt by this lady that I cried. I continued going to church on Sundays though. That was the time when people were still buying Michael Jackson's albums. I loved living in Markham, Illinois, the oxygen was a lot cleaner there, and I could breathe better. The mornings were prettier in the suburbs than in the city. I didn't get to stay in Markham too long.


Between Dreams

 Austin, Texas
After my mom and I moved to Austin, Texas, where the people supposedly were friendly, I became more involved in church activities. I went from junior high school to college also. I was a music performance major at Huston-Tillotson College. I learned how to read and write music. That is where I began pursuing my songwriting dream. Getting a songwriting contract was my ultimate goal, and music was not just something I did, but it was something I was. Often times, inside of the student lounge of the college dorm, I would entertain people by playing popular melodies on my piano keyboard. It took me a while to develop my own style of songwriting. The challenge came when I wanted to break into the music business. I met a young lady, and I can't remember her name, who was a genuine R&B singer. We got together to work on some songs that I kept in my repertoire. Unfortunately, I ended up moving to Chicago after a short period of time, and I never got to see her again. Something told me that I should have stayed. However, I did continue to pursue my songwriting dream in Chicago, Illinois. I had better contacts there as a matter of fact, and one day, I met a guy named Melvin who was a screenwriter, and he had his own independent film company. We made a handshake deal instead of signing a written contract. I got composed songs for the films the company were promoting while they helped me get some exposure for my songs. It was fun going with them on one of their film-shoot projects.  I got to meet one of the sexiest black female models in history. Long black wavy hair, silky skin, black boots, white shorts and a tank top. She had big legs too, but they were just the right size. Big luscious lips padded with dark pinkish lipstick, and glazing eyes. Oh, did I mention her nice round seat? She had melons for breasts. If you put all of that together you get a healthy-looking young lady.After awhile, I left the company. I was talking to music producers and meeting music group leaders.

Continue to the 3rd episode, click here.

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